Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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