Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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