If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
