no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
