I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
