Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
