Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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