so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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