But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
