This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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