i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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