you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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