Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
