oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
