On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
where am i from again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
