I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
