Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
