After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
