Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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