found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
