Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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