I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
