I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm always down for nudity.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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