I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
