My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are my feet made of real feet?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
