I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
