Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
