I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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