i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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