I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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