I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
