just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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