Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
