its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
