3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
