Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
