it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
