I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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