If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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