I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
