I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
