i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
