"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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