Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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