note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
