Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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