I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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