She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
