Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
