She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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