Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
