I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
