I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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